Are You, Your Own Worst Enemy?

For weeks, months and possibly even years, you have been dreaming of starting your own business, changing career, finding that perfect partner or even travelling the world, however up to now you still haven't done it.

Why?

Because you have been stopping yourself, not allowing yourself to do what your heart truly desires you to do. I know, it’s hard to admit that this is the case. I’ve been there and have used the same excuses you are using right now. “I cannot start my own business; I don't have the funds or the business knowledge to get started.” “My age and I have family commitments that stop me from travelling the world.”

As for finding the perfect partner, you tell yourself that there are no good men or women out there, or all the good ones are either married, in relationships or dead. You may even be telling yourself that no-one will have you. You do realise that these are just excuses we use to stay within our comfort zone.

For many years I made these same excuses, but the real truth was I was afraid to step out of my comfort zone. My go-to excuse was that “my advice would not be listened to or accepted as credible”. This was my belief about myself, which I didn’t even have any proof about. In fact, when I did take the bull by the horns and went out there, the response that I received was phenomenal. To be honest, the feedback I received blew me away, as it wasn't what I was expecting.

Deciding to step out of my zone of comfort allowed others to see what I can do and for them to make up their minds on this basis and gave me the chance to see what was true, enabling me to change those b.s. beliefs that I held about myself and create beliefs that were real and factual about my ability to create change for myself and others, doing what I truly wanted.

Why We Become Our Own Worst Enemy

You see, we are our own worst enemy because of those negative, or as I like to call them b.s. beliefs, we hold about ourselves, our skills, and our capacity to survive outside of our comfort zone and do something new.

But here’s the part most people miss:

We don’t sabotage ourselves because we’re weak.
We sabotage ourselves because fear feels familiar — and familiarity feels safe.

Even when we desire something deeply, fear whispers in the background:

“What if you fail?”
“What if they laugh?”
“What if you’re not ready?”
“What if you try… and you discover you’re not good enough?”

Fear convinces us that staying where we are is safer than growing into who we’re meant to become.

After many years of deep soul searching, I realised that different people, situations, or events show up in our lives to highlight how and where we are being our own worst enemy. I also realised that there were certain things that I either needed to start doing or stop doing in order to stop being my own worst enemy. Out of the many things I realised, three stood out to be the most effective in helping me stop being my own worst enemy.

1. Responsibility

Firstly, responsibility is something we choose to do – it's a choice to take or not. When we choose to take responsibility, we are saying we choose to act in a certain way in specific situations or events. When we refuse to take responsibility, instead of acting in a specific way, we react to the situation, or in some cases we do nothing. When we do not take responsibility for doing what we know we ought to do, we make excuses and start blaming someone or something other than ourselves.

Taking responsibility is one of the most powerful ways to reclaim your life. It is also one of the most confronting, because it forces us to admit that:

• No one is coming to rescue us

• Our progress is our own to create

• Our excuses are our own to release

Leland Val Van De Wall said, "When a person takes responsibility for their life and the results they are obtaining, they will cease to blame others as the cause of their results. Since you cannot change other people, blame is inappropriate. Blaming others causes a person to remain bound in a prison of their own making. When you take responsibility, blame is eliminated and you are free to grow."

George Bernard Shaw said, "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, they make them."

I bet you didn't ever imagine that not taking responsibility was you turning against yourself, making you your own worst enemy and that denying yourself by not taking responsibility was actually your way of giving your power away to the circumstances or situations that arise in your life. It's a big rejection of yourself, who you are and who you were created to be.

To start taking responsibility and stop being your own worst enemy remember:

• First and foremost, responsibility is a choice – your choice

• Responsibility means you have the ability to respond, not react

• When you are responsible, you act on your circumstances instead of being ruled by them

2. Habitual Behaviour

Our habitual behaviours are automatic and used on a regular basis. These are the behaviours we repeat most often. These behaviours are in our comfort zone and are rewarding to us in some ways. Habitual behaviour is learned behaviour and individuals are not always aware of them. These types of behaviour can be triggered by a cue or a change in an individual’s circumstances or situation.

Habits run our lives more than willpower does.
If your habits support your growth, you rise.
If your habits support your fear, you remain stuck.

For example, Ben is always starting new projects, which he loves. Ben is always very enthusiastic about the start of a new project. He loved spending hours on his laptop, doing research, creating products and setting up websites. However, between 8–12 weeks into Ben's projects, when he has done the research, created his products and built his website, it's time to start attracting customers. This is when Ben's enthusiasm starts to wear off. He stops following through, he does no marketing to attract clients, and his to-do list never gets ticked off. The project is eventually left undone.

His reward? Staying in the “fun part” where he feels competent.
His cost? Never progressing, never completing, never achieving.

To change your habitual behaviour:

• Take time to get to know yourself and how you behave

• Look for patterns in your results

• Notice what comfort or reward your habit gives you

• Identify a compelling reason (“your why”) to break the cycle

3. Fear

When you are standing in fear it stops you taking responsibility. It keeps you held in negative habitual behaviours and beliefs. Fear will keep you paralysed, stopping you reaching towards your dreams and goals.

Fear is powerful — not because it is accurate, but because it is familiar.
We fear the unknown more than we fear staying stuck.

Mark Twain said, "Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it!"

To get beyond fear and stop being your own worst enemy:

• Recognise your story — the narrative you tell yourself

• Examine your state of mind — are your thoughts supporting you or sabotaging you?

• Visualise a positive way to face your fears

• Approach your fears head-on, not around them

The Truth About Fear

You wrote this perfectly, so I will not change it — only add context so the reader fully receives it:

Fear often disguises itself as logic.
Fear tells us it’s “not the right time” or “not realistic” or “too risky.”

But most fear is simply:

False Evidence Appearing Real
False Expectations Appearing Real
Forget Everything And Run
Finding Excuses And Reasons

And finally, with all that said about FEAR, it really does get a lot of bad press, nevertheless in all the running from fear I have done, when I stopped running, I discovered that FEAR was actually a formula for success and by using FEAR you would stop being your own worst enemy and at last start move in the directions of your dreams and goals.

**F + E + A = R

Focus + Energy + Action = Results

When you combine clarity of focus, intentional energy, and consistent action, the life you want becomes possible — not someday, but now.

I hope I have given you food for thought and added a little value to your day!

Please leave some feedback, your thoughts and comments are welcomed.

Ready to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy and Finally Believe in Yourself?

If you're ready to move beyond fear, excuses, and self-sabotage — and begin building the unshakeable confidence you need to take action — I’d love to support you.

The Self-Belief Hack™ is a powerful 7-step self-led programme designed to help you break old patterns, rewire your thinking, and strengthen the belief you have in yourself from the inside out.

It’s practical.
It’s transformative.
It’s the starting point for everything you want to create next.

👉 Learn more and begin your journey here: https://www.besomeboddie.com/the-self-belief-hack