Why choosing yourself is not selfish, but essential
There comes a moment in life when you realise you’ve been choosing others over yourself for far too long.
It starts subtly — saying yes when you want to say no, giving your time when your energy is already depleted, putting someone else’s peace above your own truth. Slowly but surely, it becomes a pattern. A way of being. A quiet, constant abandoning of your own needs in favour of keeping others comfortable.
But here’s the truth that often gets buried under duty, guilt, and old beliefs:
Choosing you is not betrayal. It’s a breakthrough.
Self-Abandonment Is Learned
If you’ve grown up believing that love equals sacrifice, or that kindness means silence, you may have internalised the idea that putting yourself first is wrong.
You may have learned to be agreeable, helpful, selfless — even if it costs you your voice, your values, or your wellbeing.
But let’s be clear: self-abandonment isn’t your natural state.
It’s something you were taught. It’s something society rewards.
And anything learned can be unlearned.
Self-Choosing Is a Practice
Choosing yourself doesn’t happen in a single bold decision. It happens in the small, consistent moments when you honour your own truth.
It’s a practice — one that gets easier with time.
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Saying no when your whole being says no
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Pausing before you overextend and asking: Is this coming from love or from fear?
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Allowing yourself to rest, speak up, or walk away — without guilt
Self-choosing is a muscle.
And the more you use it, the stronger your self-belief becomes.
Boundaries Are Self-Respect, Not Selfishness
Let’s reframe boundaries for what they truly are:
Not walls. Not rejection. Not attitude.
But self-respect.
Boundaries aren’t about pushing others away.
They’re about keeping yourself aligned, whole, and well.
They say:
“This is where I end and you begin — and I honour myself enough to protect that.”
When you don’t set boundaries, you teach others that your time, energy, and peace are optional. Eventually, you become unavailable to yourself.
Choosing you might look like:
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A graceful no
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A phone on silent
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A difficult but honest conversation
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A higher standard, held firmly
None of that is selfish.
It’s sacred.
Ask Yourself Today:
As I shared in this week’s Question of the Week:
Where in your life are you still choosing others over yourself?
What would choosing you look like today?
Let your answer be truthful.
It doesn’t need to be loud, just real.
Maybe it’s a breath.
Maybe it’s a boundary.
Maybe it’s a bold decision.
Whatever it is, it’s a step towards your own liberation.
You were never meant to live a half-life.
You were never meant to shrink or settle.
You are allowed to choose yourself. Not as an act of rebellion, but as a declaration of worth.
Because choosing you isn’t betrayal.
It’s the beginning of something extraordinary.
I’d love to hear from you!
Share your reflections with me. Together, we can explore what you need to do to awaken to your true self.